I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
