He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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