she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
