don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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