i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
