There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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