im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
