Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
