Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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