When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
In other news, I just burned my penis
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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