thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
