That's when you crack a 10am beer
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
