..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
