YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My life is pants optional.
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