She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
