My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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