writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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