my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
