Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
