Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
