so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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