so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
