so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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