Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
