Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
