so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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