i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
