I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
