i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
