she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
