He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
