It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
