The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
