Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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