No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
