put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
