In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
