HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
