Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
