dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
