I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
