Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
