Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
