i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
