So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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