my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
