I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
