I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
