and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
