plz talk dirty to me
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
