Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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